Dean, my late husband, came home from work in the early 1980's in Cheyenne, Wyoming to find his wife dead by hanging in the basement. She left a note that said "sorry". She hated Wyoming and they were moving the next day to Rockport, Texas. Their 2 daughters were getting married and everything seemed fine so no one really could understand the "why" of the death. Dean and his children dealt with this suicide for years and I am sure his children are still affected by it.
I hired a young high school boy to work in my bookstore in Bedford, Texas. One day he did not show up and when I inquired, I was shocked to find he had committed suicide. He seemed happy go lucky and I never knew what happened to his state of mind.
I talked one time 21 years ago to a fire fighter who was mad at his family which included his mother, children and siblings. He told me that he planned to kill himself and leave all his money to the Salvation Army. The next week he followed through. I could not fathom how someone would kill himself so that his family would not receive his inheritance.
One night I woke straight out of bed thinking of a personal male friend whom I knew was suicidal. I screamed his name out loud and said "no". The next day I texted him and told him what happened. He said that was odd because he had just about gone through with a suicide attempt at the exact time that I had screamed no. I told him that I think that all of us should live through the natural cycle of our life without ending it through suicide. He later died of cancer.
We all have times when things are totally overwhelming and nothing seems worthwhile. I have been through those times too and dying seems like an easy way out. I remember one time in college I was contemplating taking a whole bottle of aspirins when out of the blue I heard an inner thought that was not me say "What makes you think you will feel differently on the other side?" I knew that I was supposed to keep on living and that my life had importance in the scheme of things.
Elizabeth Kubler Ross who worked with dying people and established hospice was opposed to people committing suicide as they were dying. She herself had a series of strokes that made her dependent on people and wrote a book about her struggle. "Even with all my suffering I am still opposed to Kevorkian, who takes people's lives prematurely simply because they are in pain or are uncomfortable. He does not understand that he deprives people of whatever last lessons they have to learn before they can graduate." (She thought of life as a school where we learn universal lessons especially in the area of love)
If you have depressing thoughts, realize that these thoughts are temporary. You are important and are here for a reason. Think about doing something for someone else. You will be surprised at how this breaks the chain of thoughts that are all about you. Most importantly if your depression is deep and hard to deal with go see a psychologist. Don't hesitate to get some help.
At the end of Wheel of Life by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross she shares some beautiful thoughts:
- You should live until you die
- No one dies alone
- Everyone is loved beyond comprehension
- Everyone is blessed and guided
- The ultimate lesson is learning how to love and be loved
- It is very important that you do only what you love to do.
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